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Friday, May 04, 2012

Honestly?


{Honestly by Vota}
Honestly can I tell you where I'm at
Honestly can I pull the curtain back
Will you run if you see how weak I am?

If you don't see the real me you won't see what mercy's done.
If you don't see my weakness you won't see what love has won
If you don't see the distance form the darkness to the sun
You won't see.  Honestly

Honestly, I'm growing sick and tired
Honestly it hurts too much to hide
Brokenness that's killing us inside

Let the light escape from this hole inside my soul
When I start to break then grace begines to flow
Let the light escape from this lonely place inside my soul
Honestly
_______________

Can I be honest with you?  A little confession?

It was much easier being real, being honest, admitting struggle, admitting fault...when I was sick.

Sickness was almost an excuse to not have it all together.  People would understand that I didn't have it all together.

My body is in remission, but honestly, my soul is still sick.  In need of a Saviour.  Daily.  Every moment.

I want to continue to be real, to write honest, to soul connect with others.  This takes a vulnerablility.

It is so refreshing when other soul connectors are willing to put the perfect down and show up real.  It is so life giving to read of women who don't have it all together, because who does?  Not I.

So these are my thoughts.  I want to write real.  Honestly.

"If you don't see the real me you won't see what mercy's done.
If you don't see my weakness you won't see what love has won"


The real me...

...wonders if I will ever be content pleasing God, rather than man.  Just when I think I am free of this, another layer.  I tell a girlfriend a few weeks ago that I feel more free in this area.  Ha!  There have been constant tests to that the minute those words came from my mouth!  Layers.

...would be horrified if you saw my closet right now.  Or my laundry room.  Or my car trunk.  Mess!

...fears that I will never be able to express just how amazing it is to know Jesus.  How do you tell of such love and peace?  What words describe God made flesh?

...still wonders what people think of my ears when I wear a ponytail.  Oh to have ears that were flat to my head.

...feels ashamed that I sent my sweet girl off to school with tears.  She snapped all morning at everyone, and right before she got out of the car, I had had enough and snapped back.  I wanted to show her how it felt.  I became child. She walked away with tears.  Oh God, heal the hurts I cause.  Erase from little brains, or at least show them that mercy covers the real me.  The real them.



If you see good in me, 
It is He who you see.
Not me.

9 comments:

  1. Thanks friend. I love you and your honesty. Having kids has brought me back to a place of humility so many times. I realize how sick and selfish my heart really is. Love you!
    Jenni

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  2. Thank you. For all the fun, pre-packaged topic-carefully-chosen blog posts that i will end up reading this week, yours is a breath of fresh air. thank you for your honesty.

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  3. I hope you don't mind that I've shared this post on my Facebook page. It so totally spoke to me today.

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  4. Oh Amy, you are a TREASURE! Lisa~

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  5. I just discovered your site on pinterest. Your honesty is refreshing! I am far from having it all together, but God wants me right where I am. Thank you for your encouragement and wonderful life tips.
    May God bless you and your house. May your lap overflow with so many blessings that you have no choice but to overflow them onto others.
    Joleen

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  6. Amy, I have been following your blog for some time, and your Pinterest account. As a fellow blogger and Christian seeking overall health, I am so moved by your post. Thank you. I wrote a "confessions" post awhile back. As someone with a psychology degree, I totally agree with you in that we don't have to come off as "perfect" or a fairytale life. More people need to open up and allow room for growing and healing. May God continue to bless you and your health, and your family.

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  7. I found your blog by way of Little House in the Suburbs. I love what I have read so far. This post is especially good. I look forward to reading more.

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  8. If everyone could be as honest as you. Thank you for sharing your innermost feelings. I believe when we do, we help others do the same. It takes courage to be real and what I see is not bad, it's beautiful. Authenticity is beauty in itself. We're all human, all imperfect, we all struggle and to share genuinely the way you have is so admirable. I think you're great! Finding your blog helped me get on a healthy eating lifestyle. You were the first I found. I want to thank you for that. Blessings to you and your family<3

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  9. Reading your comments with tears. YOU ALL are the treasures, and you accept my honesty with such grace. You make me brave to write the vulnerable. Thank you.

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Thank you so much for your lovely words to me! Due to the number of comments I receive, I cannot respond to all of them - but know that I read and love every word. If you have a question in need of a response, please e-mail sponsornewnostalgia@gmail.com and either Robyn or I will get back to you.