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Friday, March 16, 2012

In My Head and On My Ipod While Running

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I've been running.

I used to DESPISE running.  It hurt.  It hurt my lungs and it hurt my body!

But, now I'm starting to get it.  I'm starting to figure out why those who run love to run.  I have found that as I have stuck it out and my body has adjusted, that it feels GOOD to run.  It is fast and freeing!

I started out very slow.  I would jog to get my heart rate up, then just walk fast, until I found my heart rate going down, then I would jog again to get it back up.  After treatment last year that it didn't take much to get my heart rate up, and it has taken a long time for me to be able to run and feel good instead of make me feel faintish & like my lungs were going to explode.

I still hesitate to call myself a runner.  I'm not ready to commit to that title, and I still cheat quite a bit.  We have hills in our neighborhood, so I walk up the block, and run down it, then walk up the next block and run down it.  But boy, when I AM running, it just feels SO GOOD to be able to MOVE and feel alive.

The last 2 times I ran, I had my ipod on shuffle, and BOTH TIMES it started on the song, You Are Everything by Matthew West.  It's not the best song to run to, a bit slow, but the lyrics sure made me smile, especially this part: 

And I can’t help but breathe You in, and breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

It is a pretty inspiring lyric to listen to as blood is pumping and feet are going and breath is loud and real and alive.  Maybe that is why I have fallen so hard for running, the feeling of being "alive."  Not just alive internally, which I always felt even when sick and weak because of my Jesus, but to also experience it in such a physical way--pretty awesome.


Right after that song, on came Pink, and a song that brought tears for me called 'Who Knew.'  It is probably about a couple who broke up, but the lyrics made me think of some of the emotions my Todd might feel if I didn't make it out of my cancer battle.  

These thoughts happen once in awhile, I am a changed person and thoughts of eternity and 'what if's' just happen naturally.  It is not a bad thing anymore.  Not a fearful thing.  It keeps life in prospective so I think it is a healthy thing.  After a year and a half of being confronted by death, I am prepared for death, for a life of eternity with my Saviour, but I sure don't want to leave the ones I love.  My sorrow would come from knowing the hurt and sadness it would cause those I love.  This song reflected those thoughts and made me run harder, pursuing health for my family.  They are my motivation to run.

Some of 'Who Knew' from Pink:

I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we, until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened?

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong

And that last kiss I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember

But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew?


That song ends, and I'm running down the hill at dusk, with tears running.  I wipe them away and I find myself admiring but distracted by the pink sky.  I think it is funny to look at pink while listening to Pink. Between distraction of beauty and tears, I hope I don't hit a bump and tumble. 


The song below comes on. It is by Muse, called  Supermassive Black Hole, and then-- I REALLY got my run on, throwing caution to the wind.  I felt like I was a vampire being chased by a werewolf, or maybe a vampire playing baseball?  No, I'm not admitting to being a Twilight fan.  At all.  But I DID get my run on...and controlled my urge to howl.



That song ends, and I am almost home.  I turn off my ipod, take out my earphones, and just listen to the sounds of creation.  It is a quiet beautiful.  My breath and heart beat join in, and I worship my Creator, and whisper heard words.

I can’t help but breathe You in, and breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart 



-----------------------
Matthew West
You Are Everything

I’m the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can’t even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I’m spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime

Where would I be without someone to save me?
Someone who won’t let me fall

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is every day is filled with hope
‘Cause You are everything that I breathe for
And I can’t help but breathe You in, and breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart 


I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I’d ever care to confess
But You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

You’re everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hangin’ up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You

4 comments:

  1. Good for you. I started running in July for the first time in my life at 45. I used the walk/jog Couch to 5k pod cast. I still can't beleive I can run. I have ran in 5 races for charities, the last one being a 5 mile race. I admit that like you described I really didn't take to it at first did it purely for the cardio but now I do find it freeing and liberating.I see it now as a mediation and a gift.Here in New England it is amazing to run through the season and changing landscapes. So I am almost up to my first Spring. I even enjoyed bundling up and runing in the winter sun. So I'll break the news gently to you;you are a runner girl, so run :)

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  2. Amy - you are such an awesome, inspiring, and loving woman.
    And you have such a gift of words, to convey so much real emotion, in one post.
    Thank you,
    Patricia

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  3. I am with you on the running thing, I have run for many years but kind of a closet runner. Then when I ran my 1st marathon I told NOBODY except my husband right up to the very day. It puts you out there to a whole new level of "what if I fail? I can't measure up to those REAL runners" so I say to you, good for you and way to go! There have been times in my run that I want to just shout and praise with my arms lifted high in praise of our Lord when hearing a song or a podcast that I'm listening to on my Ipod. So, again, go for it and it is a good time spent with the Lord no doubt!

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  4. Loved this post! Thank you.

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Thank you so much for your lovely words to me! Due to the number of comments I receive, I cannot respond to all of them - but know that I read and love every word. If you have a question in need of a response, please e-mail sponsornewnostalgia@gmail.com and either Robyn or I will get back to you.