Help In Time Of Need

I had another really good day!  I feel like I am healing quickly.  The burning sensation in my chest is less, and the range- of -motion in both arms is improving.

 I had a friend over this morning who is also fighting breast cancer, we had the best time talking and connecting.  God and cancer have entwined our hearts-I love you, Nanc!

I was treated to a pedicure this afternoon by my friend Keeli.  IT WAS SO GREAT to do something girly with her.  It was relaxing and conversation so meaningful, as it always is with my Kee!  Loved it.

Tonight is family movie night.  My friend, Karma, is ordering Italian food to be delivered for our dinner.

Am I not the most spoiled girl in the world?:)

I took some time to read through my journal the other night, and it was so cool read back over the last year and see how God prepared me for the fight I had coming up.

There was a page that I had written while sitting in church last spring, long before I knew I had cancer.   We had just finished singing a song in church with these lyrics:

Since I am so sick 
Since I am in need 

Since I have no healing within me 

Oh, my God, be mindful of me 

You are my help and my Redeemer 

Oh, my God, be mindful of me 

You are my help and my Redeemer 

Unto You, oh Lord 

I lift up my soul 

In Your loving-kindness I believe 

Surely those who wait on You 

Will never be ashamed 

All of those who call on You 

Will know the faithfulness of Your name 

This song must have spurred me on to write, as I wrote the lyrics out in my journal, and then just kept on writing while sitting there in church.  I don't remember writing this, but found it very interesting, reading it 10 months later. It expresses my heart and how I have felt lately!!  Thought I would share:


An utter submission to His ways.
A sprawled out, head down,exhausted and limp 
Nothing left of me.  


Empty, spilled out
Core exposed, broken.
What is left?


A hearts desire to be filled only with you.


A raw, child- trust, that you will hold my exposed heart,
for you are good, and know how to make us like You.


Breaking heart, 
Shattered self,
Pride gone-no room for it.


Piece by piece you restore & redeem


Come Lord, come quickly.
Put me back together, but break me completely first.
Do your redeeming work.


Give me eyes to see
A heart that trusts


YOU are the answer, the only answer.


I am sick
I am in need
I have no healing within me


BUT-YOU are my help and my redeemer.
Come quickly, Lord.

He Is Lifting My Head

No, the pathology report was not what I wanted to hear.  At all.  My hopes were up that we were at the end of this cancer journey, but I am adjusting to the knowledge that there may be much more fighting to do.  I cried.  I vented to those around me.  I felt a deep, deep sadness for my girls who may be seeing their mom weak and sick by more chemo.  

I cried out to God "REALLY?  Is this REALLY the road we are going to continue down? But Lord, I don't want to.  I want my hair back.  I want to feel like a woman again. I want strong arms and healed wounds so I can hug my girls again.  REALLY, Lord? 

In all of this journey I have never lost His voice.  That is how very kind He has been to me.

"I AM WITH YOU"

"I AM HERE"

I woke up yesterday with such a peace and a HAPPY JOY.  Yes, it was weird.  I loved it.

I know it is all the prayers going up to heaven that has kept my head lifted and ears hearing.

Thank you.

Today I would not say I am happy.  I woke up in pain and I am weary emotionally.  But, I am not feeling lost and upset, and for that I am grateful. 

God has constantly used song to encourage me and speak to me.  I have so many to share!

The song that I posted almost a year ago here, is the one that has been playing the loudest in my brain the last couple days.  It is called "You're Not Alone" by Meredith Andrews.

The chorus:

"you're not alone,

 for I am here, 

let me wipe away your every tear. 

 My love, I've never left your side,

 I have seen you through the darkest night, 

and I'm the one who has loved you all your life."


The song below is my song for today.  I love it, especially right at 2:18 where it goes into who He is.  So soothing for my soul.

Lift Up Your Head

Let us all as one draw near
To the One who meets us here
Let us all fall down
Before the God who welcomes us in

Lift up your head
And throw off every chain
Lift up your eyes
To the One who doesn't change
Lift up your hands
The broken He will mend
So lift up your head

Let us all fix our gaze
On the Author of our faith
From all else we turn away
For the joy that conquers shame

Lift up your head
And throw off every chain
Lift up your eyes
To the One who doesn't change
Lift up your hands
The broken He will mend
So lift up your head

He is Lover
He is Redeemer
He is Father
He is Friend
He is our shelter
HE IS OUR HEALER
He is the lifter of our head

Lift up your head
And throw off every chain
Lift up your eyes
To the One who doesn't change
Lift up your hands
The broken He will mend
So lift up your head

Today my mom and sister are coming to help me pack up my Christmas decorations.  

I am sore today at my drain sites, I got them removed yesterday.  I have also had much numbness and tingling in my left arm (same arm they removed lymph nodes) especially when I type!  :(

I have an intense burning in the left side of my chest, it gets worse at night.  It is all nerve related, I am praying it is temporary.

Thank you so much for all your love and prayers.  I know I say that a lot but I really don't know what I would do with out your support and prayers. They make a huge difference, I am grateful.

Cancer Update-Pathology Report Results

Amy's husband Todd here.  It was important to Amy that we get an update posted tonight despite it being so late.

We received a combination of good news and bad news from the doc tonight.  

First the good news.  There was some response to the chemo done prior to surgery.  The major tumor measured only .8 centimeters at the time of surgery which represents shrinkage of roughly 75%.  Doc is not very worried about this tumor at this point. 

Unfortunately, there is also bad news.

First on the bad news front they did find cancer in a lymph node.  They only found cancer in one lymph node, but doc believes there was likely cancer in additional lymph nodes originally that got zapped by chemo.  

Also on the bad news front the margins were all clear, but the deep margin (the one closest to the chest wall) was clear by only .1 centimeter.  As far as they can tell the cancer has not moved into the chest wall, but they did find cancer .1 centimeter from the chest wall.  Because this margin is so small there is concern about microsopic cancer cells moving to the chest wall.

Finally on the bad news front they found a second type of cancer.  The tumor that was originally biopsied was labeled invasive ductal carcinoma.  But the pathology report has now found a second type of cancer called invasive lobular carcinoma.  This cancer did not respond nearly as well to the chemo treatments done prior to surgery.     

What does all of this mean?  It means additional treatment.  

Radiation is a certainty due to the margin issue.  It will be done as a precaution to kill any microscopic remaining cancer cells. 

Radiation will be followed by five years of taking the drug Tamoxifen. Tamoxifen is a hormonal therapy drug which has proven extremely effective in killing estrogen positive lobular cancer.   

The only unknown at this point is whether Amy will need additional chemo treatments.  Doc will be running a test called Oncotype DX test. This test will give a numeric score to the chance of recurrence.  If Amy is at low risk for recurrence then they will forgo additional chemo.  If Amy is at high risk for recurrence then additional chemo will be added to the treatment docket.

Continue to pray for Amy as she settles into the reality that we are in an ongoing fight against this stubborn disease.  It’s been a rough night as we were all hoping for better news.  But we also recognize the news could have been worse.  There is still reason for hope and belief that we can beat this.  It is just going to take longer than we would like. Despite the disappointment and tears tonight she is ready to move forward and fight. 

Thank you all of your prayers and support. 

Just Get 'Em Fed!

If you are here for Anti-Procrastination Tuesday, it WILL be back next week!  Thanks for stopping by!

In the meantime, check out the free ebook below!!

If you click hereit will take you to the Morris Tribe Website where her free ebook is in the sidebar.  Click on the sidebar button to download. You don't even need to sign up, just click! Easy!

I am so excited to share with you this free ebook.  It is so very worth the read.  It is written by Kelly at the Morris Tribe.  She is a mom of 9 and gives some of the most helpful and practical tips for feeding your family healthy, frugal, and delicious meals.  She has some great recipes in her ebook, I can't wait to try her "Best Banana Break-Ever" recipe.  Her wisdom has been invaluable to me, I have learned much from her and her great blog, and I devoured her ebook in one sitting!

{Kelly from the Morris Tribe}

Thank you, Kelly, for providing this great resource for us moms!  Thank you for sharing your wisdom and for sharing with us moms how you find balance in the busyness of life!

My Health Update

I am home, healing from my surgery.  I am doing well, it has all been easier than I thought it would be.    We should get the pathology report back tomorrow...it is a big deal.  We will find out if what showed up on the MRI is still cancer or just scar tissue.  If it is cancer, more chemo.  If it is scar tissue, then wow...I could actually be almost done with this battle!  I appreciate your prayers.

 I will be posting more regularly as I heal, right now I have incisions under both arms that make typing hard. In the meantime, I will be featuring some great guest posts so make sure you come check those out! For more regular health updates, please visit my Caring Bridge site--button in the side bar.  

Roasted Eggplant And Cannellini Bean Dip-And a health update..

Hi Everyone!!

I am home, healing from my surgery.  I am doing well, it has all been easier than I thought it would be.  My sweet friend, Sharon, is here from Chicago caring for me and my family.  She has made everyday full of love and joy--what a gift.  We should get the pathology report back today or tomorrow...it is a big deal.  We will find out if what showed up on the MRI is still cancer or just scar tissue.  If it is cancer, more chemo.  If it is scar tissue, then wow...I could actually be almost done with this battle!  I appreciate your prayers.

Enjoy this guest post, its a good one!  I have a few more coming up that you will all love.  I will peep in once in awhile to let you know how things are going.  I will be posting more regularly as I heal, right now I have incisions under both arms that make typing hard.  For more regular health updates, please visit my Caring Bridge site--button in the side bar.  

Roasted Eggplant and Cannellini Bean Dip

In Food Geek Friday, Real Food, Recipe on October 1, 2010 at 11:30 am**This is a guest post from Melinda Massie @ Organizing With A Side Of Fabulous

I recently picked up a bunch of baby fairytale eggplant at the farmers market.  They were so cute that really, how could I not??  I’d cooked up a few of them in a sauce, but there were so many that I needed to find up a way to use them before they went bad.  I stumbled upon this dip from Giada De Laurentiis and it is DELICIOUS!!!  I’ve been having it as an afternoon snack every day since I made it.  Sooo good!

Roasted Eggplant and Cannellini Bean Dip

Adapted from Food Network

• 10 baby fairytale eggplant, trimmed and cut in half 
• Olive oil, for drizzling, plus 1/3 cup
• Sea salt 
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 1 (15-ounce) can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
• juice from 1 lemon
• 2 cloves garlic 

Preheat oven to 450 degrees F and place an oven rack in the middle.  

Place eggplant in baking dish, drizzle with olive oil and season with salt and pepper.  Roast for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown.  Set aside to cool.

 In the bowl of a food processor, combine the cooled eggplant, beans, lemon juice, garlic, and salt and pepper to taste.  Pulse until the mixture is a thick paste.  With the machine running, gradually add 1/3 cup of olive oil until the mixture is creamy. 

Place the dip in a bowl and enjoy!  Can be served with veggies, pita bread, pita chips or tortilla chips.

Please visit Melinda  @ Organizing With A Side Of Fabulous.

I love her Quick Tip Posts, so many great tips for getting small things done that in the end makes life flow a lot more smoothly!

Thank you, Melinda!